Dealing with teenagers can be a tough job. Sometimes you can stick them behind the wallpaper, but the next moment they endear you again. You know it, you trip for the third time over a pair of lying shoes. You are about to storm into the room angrily, but then the teenager is just in front of you with a nice cup of tea. This phase can be a minefield for both the parent and the adolescent. In this blog, therefore, five tips for dealing with teenagers
Tips for dealing with teenagers
Teenagers coming of age can be extremely challenging. That is why this blog offers you five tips for dealing with teenagers. These help you to improve the relationship for yourself, but also for them and to keep the mutual bond good.
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Go back in time and look in the mirror
When the blood is almost coming out from under your nails because of a clothing style that you consider impossible, reckless behavior or yet another appointment that has not been kept, then go back in time honestly. You were probably like that yourself once! You probably wore things back then that you might not even consider now. There is a good chance that you yourself forgot several appointments or simply nonchalantly failed to keep them. Congratulations! The adolescent therefore does exactly what an adolescent is supposed to do, namely: detach from parental authority, develop an own identity and explore boundaries. Take a deep breath, count to ten, think about your own “mistakes” from the past and even try to laugh at them if you can. Most pubertal stages are healthy and transient.
Always stay in touch
No matter how much an adolescent rebels: he or she needs you. Loving boundary. Consequences may therefore be linked to behavior, but let love prevail. Also explain – possibly after some cooling down or a quiet moment – why you don’t find certain behavior okay. Also give the adolescent space to be angry, sad or angry about this. Keep the rest of the contact going as much as possible. After any outburst or confrontation, continue to eat together. Watch the series together and bring your teenager to the football game or class party as usual. Despite the fact that there may still be steam coming out of the ears or passive-aggressive silence, the adolescent really realizes that the strong basis is still there and will certainly appreciate this.
Ask and listen to adolescents without judgment
Number three of the five tips for dealing with teenagers. When the teenager keeps hanging out with that person you don’t really feel good about, follows influencers you have strong doubts about, or has a completely different opinion on world issues than yourself: let this be there! Instead of judging the adolescent’s taste, you can ask without judgment what he or she finds so interesting about that person, why he or she sees the issue this way and that way. And then accept the answer. You can put up another argument with respect, but don’t burn down the opinion or experience! Holding on to certain ideas, opinions or people can be a solid foothold in the development of an identity. So it is hurtful and threatening if someone is scathing about this. The same applies the other way around: if you show understanding and interest correctly, the adolescent will also share more quickly and you will keep a finger on the pulse. He or she will also be more inclined to hear or even accept your opinion or advice if there is a basis of healthy and open communication.
Make sure you always stay the safe haven
Tell your teen that no matter what happens, he or she can always come to you. Even with violent things such as coming into contact with the police, debts or alcohol or drug use. For example, if he or she is experimenting with drugs and has a bad trip because of it, it can be vital that the adolescent knows that he can always call to let them know that things are not going well. This way you will be there in time in case of a medical emergency, this way you will know in time that there are debts, so you can arrange for a good lawyer in time in case of criminal offenses and you can help in time if it happens at school not going well.
See the adolescent as a top athlete
No matter how lax, casual, reckless an adolescent sometimes seems, there is almost never a conscious intention to be ‘bad’. In fact, teenagers like to make their parents proud. But also their new friends, also the possible new girlfriend and also the possible cool colleagues from the new job. If you want to make everyone proud at the same time and in the meantime also have to hold yourself together with all those screeching emotions in your body and a brain that is not yet fully developed to oversee everything properly, then as an adolescent you sometimes have it really really hard . Top sport, in fact. And so an adolescent may sooner deserve a place in the hall of honor than behind the wallpaper.
Hopefully you have found this blog with five tips for dealing with teenagers useful. You may have even laughed a little because it was so relatable. Need even more tips? The book The pubescent brain goes into more detail.