If there had been a handbook to love, it would most likely have become the worldwide bestseller of all time. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as “how to” in love. Every couple finds their own way, and luckily! Yet, according to psychologist Dave Smallen, there is one quality that is very nice to have. At least, if you want a healthy relationship.
Although a (good) relationship means something different to everyone, a lot of research has been done in science on love. What qualities make a relationship really nice, safe and sustainable?
The recurring answer? Being there for the other.
Life is busy
In the delusion of the day with our busy jobs, children, hobbies and sports classes, it is easy to sometimes listen with half an ear to your partner when he tells you how he or his day was. We are busier than ever and that (unfortunately) often means in reality that we get a lot of things done, but we don’t always do them with our full attention.
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That applies during eating, cooking, morning routines and in how well we look others listen. We are easily distracted by a ringing telephone, a busy agenda and a head full of to-do lists. Especially in a life that can be incredibly busy, it is extra important to step back from time to time.
Not only to enjoy the things we actually do, but also to be there for our loved ones. Because now say yourself, what good is a partner who only half listens and is always distracted by his phone?
The trait for a healthy relationship
According to various studies, it is important to ensure that you listen to the other person to ensure a happy and healthy love relationship. How do you do that? Offer a listening ear when the other person wants to say something and remember: you don’t always have to come up with an answer right away. Showing that you listen is the most important thing for a healthy relationship, says Smallen.
Why that is so important? In a healthy relationship you want to make sure that the base between you safe is that the other is heard feels, valued and that the other person feels and notices that you care about him or her.
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Listening and showing that you really listen is important to create a healthy basis for a love relationship, but this actually applies to any relationship or friendship. There is little as important as being there for someone else.
Listening creates a strong relationship…
Just think: how nice is it if you just know that you can always turn to your partner or best friend and they are always there for you? That feeling of safety and securityThat’s what makes a relationship so incredibly strong.
The feeling that you are there for your partner unconditionally brings you two closer than anything else. It provides intimacy on a different, profound level. It will also be emotional security named.
… and makes healthy!
In fact, it turns out that in a relationship where partners are there for each other emotionally, there is a better one in the long run physical health note, this study shows. Sounds too good to be true? Not too bad!
If you consider that stress is a major cause of all kinds of physical complaints, it is therefore logical that if there is less stress and you feel safe, you also experience less physical stress. After all, your body and mind are inextricably linked! How special is that?
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In other words, do you want a healthy relationship? Then make sure you are there for the other person, that when you are talking you really listen to the other person and that you create a safe space for each other so that everything there may be. This not only benefits your relationship, but also your health!
Do you want to learn to listen better? We no longer listen to each other: 10 rules to have good conversations again
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Psychologist: this trait is the secret to a healthy relationship