My boyfriend is addicted to gaming

Danielle’s friend spends almost all of his spare time gaming. Ruud (37) was always a spontaneous and energetic man with a great social life. That changed when he found a new hobby. Suddenly he was no longer up for anything and he was sitting behind his new playstation day in and day out. This turned him into a silent, passive man who is addicted to gaming.

Danielle is annoyed green and yellow. “I feel lonely on weekends while my boyfriend is home. He prefers finishing a game even to having sex.”

Addicted to gaming

“’Just playing a game’ isn’t that bad, but what if whole days and evenings are wasted and there’s no time left for other things? Of course I give my husband his hobby and free time. I also have my own things. I just can’t stand the fact that an increasing part of the day is spent behind the playstation. This makes Ruud lose interest in things he used to enjoy doing with me.

Having lunch, taking a walk, visiting friends or even having sex. We did a lot of fun things on weekends and had an intimate relationship. His gaming addiction has slowly crept in for six months and he doesn’t realize it himself. I notice that he is less himself and I want to talk to him about that. I regularly point out that I find it annoying that he spends whole weekends gaming.

To my great surprise, Ruud finds it very annoying that I share this with him. He shared that I should entertain myself and that this is the only way for him to relax after a busy week at work. I’m annoyed and worried at the same time. Will this ever pass? What should you do if you think someone is addicted to gaming?

Lonely

Living with someone who is behind a screen all day often makes me feel lonely. When I talk to Ruud, he often doesn’t even listen! He is so absorbed in his game that he finds it annoying when I come and chat in between. Actually, he would prefer that I do not disturb him… I notice that because he reacts with irritation.

Mentally dependent

It had never occurred to me that Ruud would be prone to a gaming addiction. Still, I see that he depends on gaming to get through the days. There is no time left for other things because the urge to game is greater.

Conflicts over gaming

At first I planned to keep my mouth shut, but I can’t take it anymore. I don’t see a future together in this way, but talking about this, that’s not possible either. He doesn’t understand what I’m worried about. It’s a vicious circle that never ends. Ruud is the love of my life, but right now I feel so much distance between us.

I want to do everything I can to help him, but he refuses to admit that he is addicted. For me this is difficult to understand. We always did fun things, didn’t we? Why is he now day in and day out behind his playstation. He doesn’t even seem to care about booking a holiday. I think he’s afraid he won’t be able to play for a while.

It hurts me to see how he closes himself off to me. I also notice that he never does anything fun with his friends anymore. I don’t understand and don’t accept that he is addicted to gaming. Maybe I should go talk to someone myself, because I want to help so much, but meanwhile I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Rianne (44): ‘I didn’t understand why my son was depressed’