Rina has been with her boyfriend for seven years when he tells her that he would like to start having children. Rina was shocked, because they had agreed not to expand the family in the first few years. “I didn’t want to lose him, but I didn’t want to be a mother either. There was no other option than to secretly continue to use contraception,” she says famme.
“Seven years ago I ran into Bram on a dating app. After texting back and forth for a few weeks, we agreed. We immediately felt a click. Slowly we got to know each other and each other’s friends and family. Although we were often together, we still kept our own apartments. Sometimes we also enjoyed retreating alone for a while. That changed two years ago, when we officially moved in together after a five-year relationship.
No children yet
From the beginning of our relationship, we had said that we didn’t want to be parents until later in life. If we were 35 or 36 years old, we would see if it would work or not. Until then, our career was paramount. Six months ago, Bram surprised me with the announcement that he wanted to start having children soon. He had become an uncle three times in the last two years, and many of his friends had children or were about to become fathers. He wanted that now too.
Think it over
I told him that I had a different view, but that I still wanted to think about it. A month later I told him that I still wanted to wait a few more years. I expected him to take it well, but he didn’t. In fact, he got very angry. He said he would leave me if I didn’t want to go for kids now. I panicked, because Bram was my dream man. I wanted to grow old with him. Of course I wanted children with him, but just not yet.
I didn’t want to lose Bram, but I didn’t want to become a mother either. There was nothing for it but to secretly continue to use contraception. I told him I had stopped taking the pill so we could see if I could get pregnant. I threw the pill strip away in front of him. He didn’t know that I still had two boxes in the bathroom. That evening I just faithfully took my pill again.
It’s bad to see the disappointment on Bram’s head every month, when he notices that I’ve had my period again. I’m sorry I’m doing this to him, but I just don’t want to lose him. Hopefully I will get rattling ovaries very soon, so I can really throw away the pill. Until then, I will just keep taking the pill.”
8 divorced men share what they would have done differently in their marriage
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