21 Ways To Reduce The Hate On Your Ex

Are you asking yourself, “do I hate my ex?” It can be hard to tell if you’re in pain or if you really hate him or her. Read these tips to find out how you feel.

Being mad at or hating your ex is completely natural. Your relationship ended, perhaps due to unfavorable circumstances. But there are more productive things you can do instead of just saying, “I hate my ex.”

It is understandable that you feel this way about someone who has wronged you in a relationship. Whether they cheated on you, didn’t really make you happy, or were just a completely worthless partner, your hatred is valid. But hating them is no way to live your life.

Reasons why you might hate your ex

Sometimes it can be pretty obvious why you hate your ex. For example, if they cheated on you, yes, you will hate them.

But for some, the reasons why they hate their ex are less easy to pin down. Maybe they never did one big bad thing to you, but did little things that ended up causing you to get upset.

Here are some common, and 100% reasonable, reasons to hate your ex:

1. They betrayed you

Cheating, breaking a promise and leaving yourself for someone else are all forms of betrayal that can leave a very deep wound.

You must hate someone who betrayed you, otherwise what can you do? All those hurt feelings have to go somewhere.

2. They pushed you to your limits

Through emotional manipulation, abuse, or even just letting you pick up their dirty laundry, your ex may have pushed you to your limit.

And now they’re gone, and you still have all that frustration bottled up. There is no other way to express that frustration than in hatred.

3. Your ex has already moved on

But what about everything you’ve been through? Did that mean nothing? If your ex moves on too quickly after the breakup, it can leave you feeling betrayed, hurt, and hateful.

4. You still love your ex

Ah, maybe not the answer you expected. But your hatred may just be your love for that person wearing a sneaky disguise.

After all, hate is a strong emotion, and we don’t typically dedicate strong emotions to people we don’t care about on some level. Sometimes it’s easier to hate someone we love than to miss them.

Why is this important? Well, you can’t live with hate, that’s just a fact. So, if you do some soul-searching and figure out exactly why you hate your ex, you’ll find that it’s much easier to work on your feelings and eventually let go of that hatred.

Negative effects of hating someone

While feeling hatred for someone can be natural after a major incident, that feeling should never linger for long. It turns out that having such negative feelings towards someone actually harms your own health in many ways.

By feeling so much hatred for your ex, you put yourself at risk for high blood pressure, excessive stress, anxiety, and poor circulation. It even causes frequent headaches. All of these symptoms turn into serious conditions if they persist for too long.

Ways to deal with hating your ex

You have your own reasons for hating your ex that are completely justifiable. However, feeling hatred puts you in a terrible mood.

If you can’t describe your past relationship without saying, “I hate my ex,” then you need help dealing with those emotions. These are all ways to handle the struggle of hating your ex with grace and maturity.

frustrated man

1. Provide closure

Find closure on whatever it is that you are so angry about. If they cheated, find out why or with whom. If they just mistreated you, find a reason.

Finding closure helps your brain understand why you are so angry, allowing you to let go of some of that hatred.

You may not want to know the answers to some of these questions because it could actually hurt you. But it’s the first step to dealing with how much you hate your ex.

2. Discover your true emotions

Some people decide to feel hatred because it’s easier than facing their true emotions. Usually they feel really hurt. They lash out in hatred as a form of self-protection.

Decipher how you really feel to take control of your emotions. If you are sad and in pain, wallow in your pain and deal with those feelings instead of covering them up with hatred.

3. Recognize that your hatred is harmful

You’ve already read how bad hating someone is, but if someone feels hatred, they will ignore all the warning signs about how bad it can be.

Recognize that by hating your ex you are not only hurting them, but you are also hurting yourself.

4. Discuss things with your friends and family

Your friends and family are there to help you through the tough times. It’s basically in their non-existent support system contracts. They are there for you to use to solve problems and be happy.

So confide in your friends and family. Open up to them and tell them what’s going on and how it makes you feel. They may have a reasonable point of view because they are not clouded by hatred of anyone.

5. Be angry at the right thing

It’s very easy to hate someone specifically instead of hating a situation because at least someone is taking responsibility.

One thing many people do is turn their hatred on someone else, when all they really hate is what has become of a situation.

Dig deep and be honest with yourself. Do you really hate your ex or do you hate the situation? This huge difference completely changes the way you feel about them, and it makes dealing with hating your ex a lot easier.

6. Practice calming mechanisms

Hate makes a person do crazy things if not controlled. If you really hate your ex and can’t help but get insane and ridiculously angry when they’re around, practice calming mechanisms.

Try breathing deeply, meditating, or even carrying a stress ball with you. Anything to avoid making a scene or getting so angry that you do something you’ll regret.

7. Keep your distance from them

If you hate your ex, just stay away from him! It’s that simple.

If you keep your distance, you will find that your hatred diminishes over time because you are not constantly reminded of the person you hate so much.

If you happen to frequent the same establishments, just stop going to those places – just for a while. You don’t have to avoid your ex permanently, but stay away until your feelings of hatred subside.

8. Don’t talk about him or her to anyone

Your anger will only be fueled if you bring them up all the time. It may seem helpful to vent about why you hate them so much. The truth is, doing this will only make things worse.

Of course, you can discuss your feelings with your support system, but only occasionally. If you’re feeling particularly awkward talk it out, otherwise just ignore the topic altogether.

9. Realize that you may be thinking one-sidedly about things

Put yourself in their shoes. Maybe there are certain circumstances that you don’t understand that can change your feelings for them.

Be a little empathetic and think about how they must feel about what happened. This will definitely help you deal with and even get rid of the hatred you feel for them.

10. Forgive them

Forgiveness is a very powerful tool that you will want to use if you hate your ex. Whatever they’ve done, no matter how terrible it is, forgive them. Holding on to hate that hurts you is just not healthy.

Forgive them and move on so you can be happy again.

11. Make it right – honest

Since you hate your ex, we assume there was a big, dramatic, horrible event that led to your breakup. If you fought and hurt each other with hateful words, make amends.

Making amends brings you face to face with your hate. Not only does it make you acknowledge how angry you are, but it helps you heal.

So go to them and ask them to make amends. You’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel.

12. Do things that make you happy

What is the best way to remove hate from your life? Replace it with happiness!

If you focus on doing things that make you happy, and you prioritize happiness in your life, you won’t even have time to think about how much you hate your ex.

13. Reach out to family and friends

Now we’ve already advised you to talk to your support system about the specifics of your breakup, your ex, and why you hate him or her, but before you can do that you need to reach out to them.

If this breakup is recent, it’s perfectly acceptable that you might feel lonely. When they are gone it can make you feel very alone, especially if you were with this person for a long time.

But you are never really alone. Sometimes just reminding yourself by reaching out to your friends and family can make you feel happy and whole. And who knows, that might be enough to help you stop hating your ex.

14. Make healthy choices

Hate is not healthy for you, we’ve already covered that. So you could see this journey to get over your hatred for your ex as a kind of health journey.

If you spend your time going to the gym, eating more vegetables, and taking care of yourself mentally, you will feel such a positive boost in your energy and confidence.

And if you feel on top of the world, why bring yourself down by hating someone?

15. Practice breathing exercises

Hate, and we mean pure anger, can trigger adrenaline reactions. You will see red, your hands will shake, and you will feel aggravated beyond calming down.

If you feel these tantrums coming on, in front of your ex or even just thinking about them, take a few deep breaths. Just focus on your breathing and you’ll be fine.

16. Accept that the relationship is over

Your hatred may be a side effect of lingering feelings. To some extent, your strong feelings are a sign that you still care about them, even if those strong feelings are negative.

But if you really accept that the relationship is over, you can move on with your life. As you move into the future, your hatred for your ex may fall into the past.

17. Seek professional help

You can’t fix every hateful feeling yourself. That’s why there are professionals who are committed to helping you move past such feelings to find yourself and happiness again.

There’s nothing wrong with going to a professional about how much you hate your ex and letting them help you deal with it.

If your hatred is so strong that it affects your daily life, seeking professional help is the best option.

It can be normal to have hateful feelings about your ex simply because he or she was once someone you loved, and now you need to distance yourself. But when your hate gets out of hand, you need these tips to deal with it.

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